Love No One

A poetic take on unrequited love that bears a truth that begs to be rewritten by a more hopeful heart

John White's avatarDoubleU = W

I don’t blame you

there are no hard feelings

the truth may be a different matter

though I am capable of love

I am not able to love anyone

the way that I love you

I had reserved everything

held it all back for you

it’s not possible to give

that or anything to you now

leaving me with only one choice:

.

because no one else is you

I will love no one

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finding a comfort zone

At a time when my life is in flux big time, these poetic words are a comfort.

J M Lysun's avatarJ M Lysun

A dust storm envelops houses in Stratford, Texas, 1935. These massive storms, called ‘black blizzards’ or ‘black rollers,’ could reduce visibly to just a few feet.

like dust in the wind-
with time, doubts eventually
set on familiar ground

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sad memories

A few days ago as I packed and sorted through boxes that I have carried, unopened from house to house, town to town, I discovered my mother’s turquoise jewelry box. Inside a jumble of Fifties and Sixties pearls and pendants, I found a locket. I wondered if I would find my photo inside. I found only a photo of my older brother when he was three, the age when I would have been born, and a cold empty, gold space on the other side. These lines from poet JM Lysun say it all.

J M Lysun's avatarJ M Lysun

tears-from-dreams

hidden deep in dreams
abandoned tears once more
seep into my life

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Calling all Classic and Indy car racing fans

It’s that time of year again, and I’ll be moved and settled in just in time for my two favorite auto races. First, I’ll do one day, Saturday, August 15th, at Laguna Seca at the Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion. Second, I’ll do all three days, Friday, August 28 through Sunday, August 30, at the Go Pro Grand Prix of Sonoma, which will be the last and deciding race for this year’s Verizon INDYCAR series championship. GO, HELIO!

And here’s the exciting part for YOU! I would love to find a race car fan to go with me. Friends and relatives are eligible. Even new friends if you’re the companionable sort. A single ticket (pre-purchased) for Laguna Seca is $80 and you have to be a very early bird willing to drive down at the crack of dawn the morning of the race to get parking. I already have purchased two 3-day tickets for Sonoma and price depends on which day(s) you chose to attend and how close a friend you are (hint, hint!). Friday is practice, Saturday qualifying, and Sunday the race itself. Very exciting track–I’ve done three amazing and very scary charity laps on this track on two different occasions.

Here are some photos and videos from prior years to whet your appetite.

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Pit passes enable you to go on the track just before the start.

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My “date” last year!

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Not quite the real thing

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Explore the paddock at Laguna Seca

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Name this VERY famous driver!

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With my favorite driver. Go Helio!

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The vintage cars on the track.

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Helio’s pit at Sonoma

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Flight of the soul

Dear Readers: In light of my recent near miss on a Southwest flight to San Diego, I’m publishing a poem I wrote several years ago

southwest takeoffmy flight lumbers down the runway
a drunken gooney bird
straining for liftoff
then soars into the morning sky
like an eagle
destination San Diego

flight plan prescribed
set altitude
longitude and latitude
predetermined
veering neither left nor right

each passenger
on a mission
mundane or sublime
but all set within earth’s bounds
a friend to visit
a funeral to attend
an elderly mother to care for
a business deal to seal

but what if this is not flight 1765 to
San Diego
what if this is an outbound flight
for my soul

I asked myself on rising this morning
my heart craving what it cannot have
can I discard my habitual moaning
my bitter tears
can I forego my usual recriminations
can I truly head in a new direction

clouds33-with-aircraftturbines surge
riveted metal shudders
as the plane breaks free of
earth’s gravity
ascends through a gray drizzle
into blinding sunshine above
a sea of white peaked meringue

suddenly a wing dips
our course is altered
anticipation and fear collide in my gut

the captain’s voice echoes in my ears
and mine alone
unfasten your seat belt Karen
feel free to move about in life
rise above your usual attitudes
oxygen masks have been removed
seat cushions no longer float
no safety instructions
no lights to direct you to the nearest exit
no soothing libations
nothing to take the edge off your fear

no exitin fact
there is no exit

leave your baggage behind
no carrying-on allowed
leave that suitcase packed with hair shirts and
sexy lingerie behind
fretting and yearning are prohibited

forget the flight tracker
you don’t need to know your destination,
nor your arrival time
all you need is you

phoenix_soul_by_clintonkun-d3clpipam I ready for this journey into the
heart of me
ready to stop regretting what I lack
open to finding
what I’ve not known about myself
not to uncover a smarter or wiser me
just a hidden me
one seen with non-judgmental eye
explored with gentle steps that
tread lightly on tender places

maybe this world needs a me
who is just me
not a better me
only the created me

plane rainjarred back to the present
thudding onto the runway
the captain announces our arrival
light drizzle
temperature sixty-five degrees

I know this is not my journey’s end
but its beginning
this journey of my soul will begin
with each breath in
end with each breath out
transport me to places
beyond my meager imagination

Guest post…The Loss of Mother

recovery sign
The Loss of Mother
 
What can I say?  I say no more.
I am a closed door.
A dark, dark room.
All gloom and edges squared
Where do I go from here?
Corner to corner,
Edge upon edge
I long for the softness of my mother’s embrace
She is not here.  She is not there.
Corner to corner,
Edge to edge,
The loneliness is locked here inside this door.
 
Out.  Out, I say.
Open the door.
Feel the pain.
Corner to corner,
Edge to edge.
Feel the pain and out the door!

About my friend Marianne in her words:
I am currently employed full-time with County government and work two 
12-step programs.  Most of my free time is spent doing service work 
for my recovery programs, taking walks, swimming, and playing with my 
six year-old grandson. A lifetime lover of literature, music, and all 
things art,  I embrace this opportunity to share my experience, 
strength, and hope with others through this portal of poetry and hope
to learn from the experience, strength , and hopes of others.

How not to think about packing…

Where’s Scotty when I need him? As the days count down and I’m surrounded by packing boxes, I desperately want to be beamed up to my new home. The best way to distract myself while I’m resting on the couch with various sore muscles being chilled under ice packs is to think back to some of my lovely trips to France. And look forward to another journey to my favorite French destinations next summer.

And, you MUST scroll to the bottom of the photos to see my the abode which I will share with my daughter and her husband and my two delightful granddaughters, ages 3 and 5. I know I’ll enjoy the fabulous view of the entire San Francisco bay from my little private patio. And what better than having two little people prying your eyelids open in the morning, whispering, “Are you awake, Mimi?”

ParisEiffelTower

Paris in winter

EzeVillageStarStreet

Eze during the Christmas holiday

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Spectacular Bonifacio where my love of Corsica and my novel MOTHER TONGUE began

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The gargoyles of Notre Dame in sight of our apartment a block away

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Honfleur–the harbor master’s where my great-grandfather did business on his clipper ship the Llewellyn J Morse

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The cottage at Chenonceau at the height of the wisteria season

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The harbor at Cassis–gateway to the Calanques

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Opera Garnier for the ballet–red velvet heaven

Dinner on the beach

Dinner on the beach at L’Ile Rousse in Corsica

Chagall museum Nice

The fabulous Chagall museum

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Visiting 113 rooms at Chambord

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The Paris Opera costume exhibit at Chambord

Serenity Bonifacio

Serenity…the harbor at Bonifacio

Hameau Stair House Oil

The Petite Hameau of Marie Antoinette at Verseilles

MontStMichel

A stunning view of Mont Saint Michel

Oakland 1

A cozy view of my new home at night. That’s my special space on the bottom right behind the wrought iron fencing.

Oakland 2

The back patios.

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The double terraced yard.

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My little private patio with views of San Francisco bay

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A view of San Francisco bay from the main level

Perceptions

John White is right on as usual.

John White's avatarDoubleU = W

it’s amazing how perceptions

can change with age

what is thought insignificant

in youth can, in later years,

become fond even life-

affirming memories

what was just a kiss

is later a love never forgotten

what was just a chat

becomes a tender memory of someone lost

what was just a song

turns into a portal to a different time

what was just words on paper

can give voice to one who no longer lives

—————————————————————-

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All There Is

truth sits patiently beneath the poet’s words
to keep reading is all there is

John White's avatarDoubleU = W

love has yet to come here and stay

but to keep loving is all there is

success hides itself from me

but to keep working is all there is

happiness is mysterious and elusive

but to keep smiling is all there is

life’s lessons are constantly hidden

but to keep learning is all there is

————————————————-

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Independence and the Colonna’s…a Corsican connection past and present

IldeRe-FranceMy family on my father’s side came to America two generations before the Revolutionary War. There is some evidence that they came originally from Île de Ré, a Hugenot stronghold in France, perhaps for religious freedom  So I suppose stories of independence have always been in my blood. Perhaps this is one reason why I have written a novel about the Nationalist movement in Corsica as they also strive to maintain their culture, language, and political freedom from France.

But what is interesting is that Corsica’s centuries of striving for independence is closely tied to the American story of independence from England. The Corsican Constitution, written by Pasquale Paoli, directly inspired the American Constitution. Apparently, American revolutionaries rode to attack shouting, “Viva Paoli”. Several US cities were named Paoli or Corsica or in memory of the Constitution of the innovative small Corsican nation.

colonna posterAs this celebration of our Independence Day approached, I have had an incredibly interesting exchange of letters with two men, a father and a son, struggling against what they consider the ultimate loss of independence, unjust imprisonment. Yesterday marked the 12th anniversary that Yvan Colonna has been incarcerated in a French prison. He was convicted of assassinating Claude Érignac, the prefect of Corsica, on 6 February 6, 1998.

jean huguesHe is the son of Jean-Hugues Colonna, a former deputy (MP) of the French socialist party in the Alpes-Maritimes constituency and a recipient of the French Légion d’honneur. On 20 June 2011, Yvan’s conviction was upheld on appeal. Yvan is currently serving his life sentence in a prison in Arles.

colonna long hairOn his website, Yvan posted his prison address and since my novel is about a Corsican separatist unjustly accused, I thought I might send him a copy of my novel. The other reason was that when I decided, back in about 2007, to turn my 1996 screenplay “The Coriscan Dagger” into a novel, I happened across a photo of a Corsican separatist on the internet which looked exactly like what I had imagined that my main character, Antoine Scafani, would look like. It was a photo of Yvan, I believe shortly after his initial arrest. He had been the subject of the biggest manhunt in French history, and was thought to have left the country, possibly for South America. However, an infrared camera set in the mountains of Corsica, near Vico as surveillance of a “bergerie“, a traditional Corsican stone hut, yielded evidence that Colonna was hiding here. He was arrested on the 4th of June 2003. As I read more about Yvan’s life, I saw many other similarities. So perhaps my imagination had been right on.

colonna - CopyWithin a week I received a cordial hand written letter back from Yvan stating that although he could not read English that “he would be my man” to translate the novel into lingua corsa if I could first get it translated into French.

And just this past week another package arrived from France. This time from Jean-Hugues Colonna, his father, who at age 80 has taken on the task of writing to those who have contacted his son. His love and unswerving support for his son is quite evident. He included two books that have been written about Yvan’s case. The main gist of their argument is that he was presumed guilty before the trial and therefore a full investigation of other suspects or even the gathering of sufficient evidence again him was not done. He believes that this would never have happened in America, although I’m not sure about that!

Jean-Hugues also shared some other fascinating information about his family back when he was a child during WWII. They had harbored a Jewish family (the island had been occupied by the Italian fascists) and the son of that family became a famous industrialist leader in the United States. He also told me about a camp of American liberators in Cargèse (the Corsican town where he now lives) who gave the children of the village good white bread and tinned pineapple, which they had never tasted before.

Jean-Hugues also offered to translate my novel, or at least a synopsis, into lingua corsa if I can first get a good French translation. An exciting possibility. Even if it all comes to naught, I have been intrigued by this Corsican connection to independence and imagination.