my life has been spent havingendless conversations with people
who are not there
December 4, 2015 8:36 am
my life has been spent having
endless conversations with people
who are not there
redoing real conversations that
went wrong
rehearsing future conversations that
won’t happen
at least not with those particular words
futilely expecting others to say words
I have put on their lips
making up both sides
as I do when writing fiction
where outcomes are almost always
in favor of the protagonist
that fascinating character who is
some better version of me
fearful of real conversations
the shy five-year-old inside
still trembling in fear
in a corner of my PhD mind
trying to make life
turn out my way
believing I can control others by
my thoughts
just as nuts as those meth addicts I saw
who thought the FBI was talking to them on
their television
and I’m the helper
the sane one?
what if I refuse to have these
conversations with people
who are not there
I feel as though a big sink hole will
open at my feet
making life even more
treacherous
tentative
troubled
some of these conversations are filled with
dread or desperation
some are flights of fantasy
those even worse because
my “reel” life
will never measure up to
my “real” life
stop bingeing on junk thoughts
build courage to have
real conversations with
real people
keep the “reel” conversations
in the can
just for today
no conversations with people
who are not there
Posted by Dr. Karen Stephen
Categories: Doctor Flamingo Online, Inspiration, Karen Stephen Author, Poems for recovery, Poetry, Psychologist, Recovery
Tags: @docflamingo, Courage, Imaginary friends, Inspiration, Karen Stephen Author, Poetry, Recovery, Writing Poetry
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You have entertained me, Karen. Ha! Nice read. Blessings to you…
LikeLiked by 1 person
By Carol Ann Hoel on December 4, 2015 at 10:58 am
Thank you for that post. How are you?
LikeLiked by 1 person
By Claudia Thomas on December 4, 2015 at 12:23 pm